Depressed, I dropped out of University and solo travelled — Best decision ever.
let me rewind a little bit to unravel my ballsy move (as an Asian) to drop out of university.
It was the year 2019, the start of my second year into University. I had just received my results from the previous year and had failed almost half of my modules. The future was looking bleak. I began calculating anxiously if i could squeeze in more modules per semester to complete my degree in the planned 3 years. I couldn’t.
Then, it just kind of snowballed. Between stressing out in school because i couldn’t catch up, and having completely no interest in what i was studying — Accounting, i was miserable and depressed. It came to a point where i was turning to food for comfort.
I wouldn’t even agree to a lunch with my classmate because i had already “planned a meal” at home.
As a result, i started to gain weight, and gotten acne-ridden because of stress. I began cutting people out of my life because my self esteem plunged and i couldn’t bear to meet my friends with my now “new look”.
My depression only got worst when i opened up to a friend and she told me “to just be happy”. If I could, I would; but I couldn’t, could I? I don’t blame her though, since Singaporeans aren’t well educated on mental health.
One day, i could so vividly remember, i broke down. I told my sister that I felt suicidal and nothing was going right for me. I wanted an out. I knew I couldn’t just drop out of school with no plans, but by that time i’ve travelled alone a couple of times before and fell absolutely in love with it. That was it, isn’t it? Then and there I decided, i’m going to drop out, save a bunch of money and leave.
Here’s the twist. I didn’t tell my parents.
okay, okay, before you judge my questionable decisions, you got to understand that dropping out of university is never an option in the asian culture, and to travel on top of that?
I was the perfect example of a “Parent’s Disappointment”.
Either way, i pushed my plans forward. For the next couple of months, I worked hard, as a food delivery rider, purchased my 65l osprey backpack which I hid in my closet, a couple of winter wear, and booked my one way ticket. Also, I sold most of my clothes. I was under the impression that once I leave, i wouldn’t be coming home because for the life of me, I can’t deal with confrontation.
24 October 2019, the day of my flight. I said my goodbyes to my closest group of friends at the airport, and my sweet sister. I wasn’t excited, and in fact, i felt nothing. That was normal since I wasn’t the type to be ecstatic to fly as I usually feel most of my emotions during touch down.
As i was boarding my flight, i hit send on my personalised curated whatsapp texts for each of my parents. This was by far the most nerve racking moment of my life. I don’t know if it’s just me but i get so terrified when i’m about to send a goodbye text to someone. Which in hindsight was pretty silly, to think that it was a goodbye once and for all. Your family will always be there for you no matter how you have left things. Filled with anxiety, i quickly set my phone to airplane mode.
And that was the start of my adventure. So why am i back now, after 9 months of travel? Let’s just say i became a refugee in Turkey and was basically left with no choice — but that’s a story for another day.
Do I regret leaving? Not once.
Did my depression magically cure once I travelled? Nope, in fact, i get it in waves. Once in a blue moon, I would have a breakdown in my hostel out of the blue. I might never be able to escape depression but I’m definitely feeling so much better.
Do I feel shortchanged now that i’m back in society without a degree? Never. In fact, while travelling, I pursued my passion in content creation and video editing, and have since built up a portfolio. Also, nothing can replace my travel experiences.
Just do it.
